Have Yourself a Merry Little Day or Trhee After Christmas

[wipeawaythedebt]

He spends the first few days back in a bottle, wracked with guilt and pain unlike anything he's ever felt. But it doesn't help. The memories, fresh as if they had happened last week instead of twenty years ago, won't leave him alone and here in Darrow there just isn't anywhere left to run. There aren't any wars to go off and fight, and while the temptation to hit the tables or see if he can't pick a fight in a bar somewhere is strong, he resists it. She wouldn't want him to.

Elizabeth.

Anna.

Two sides of the same coin and he's the one that had set them spinning. It was his doing, all of it. He sold his daughter to a man who promised her a better life than the one Booker could give and the man had been a monster. Comstock locked his little girl in a tower, treated her like an experiment and tried to make her his... sacrificial lamb or whatever the hell Comstock had planned. Booker still hasn't figured that out. There's nothing he can do to ever fix that.

But he has to start somewhere. For whatever it's worth, he is her father. And he had been planning on getting her something for the holiday before everything had gone so crazy. So today, even though it's after Christmas, he's standing at her door, freshly showered and shaved with a small package in his hands. Only he can't bring himself to knock. She'd made it perfectly clear when she moved out that she was done with him and after that whole mess back in New York she might hate him even more now. He doesn't blame her. He hates himself quite a bit these days. So in the end, he leans over and sets the wrapped gift near the doorframe and turns to leave.

Best if he's not here when she finds it.

Comments

[cagedlamb]

What Elizabeth had found out - it was days later, and she still wasn't really sure how to feel about it all. She had wanted answers for so long, but the answers she had gotten -

They were nothing she ever saw coming.

She hadn't spoken to Booker since then. She didn't really even know where to start, or what she wanted to say to him. This was the man who gave her away to someone who would eventually lock her away for most of her life. At the same time, he couldn't have known - he couldn't have known what was being planned for her.

It was preoccupying her thoughts that morning, while she was cleaning up her small apartment. It was Oliver who noticed his presence first, suddenly whining at the door. Elizabeth thought he needed to be walked, but it became clear what was really going on when she stepped out with him and saw a familiar person walking toward the stairs. She barely registered the gift on the ground.

"...Booker?" she called out before she even thought about the consequences of getting his attention.

[wipeawaythedebt]

He pauses, waiting a few seconds before he finally turns. The sight of her shocks him because now he can see it, the pieces of his wife in her, even the pieces of him. It's all right there in her face, her beautiful face, all grown up.

Despite his mistakes.

"I just..." He points to the package, a copy of Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol with a pretty ribbon bookmark. "I left you a present, I just... It's for you."

[cagedlamb]

Elizabeth half expected he would keep walking. He didn't, though, and she felt an odd feeling in her stomach when he turned and looked at her. A stray thought came to mind - was she supposed to call him 'Father' now? The entire thing was - it was absurd. The Booker she knew and the man who let her go felt like separate people to her still, even though she knew better.

"I - Thank you," she said when the gift was pointed out, retrieving it before Oliver inevitably started to try to chew on it. The dog was still beside her, his tail wagging hard at the sight of Booker. It had been too long for the dog, clearly.

A part of her wanted to let him leave so she didn't have to deal with it all. Didn't have to face things, because it was too hard for her, and she was a little scared to face the feelings she was having. But she drew in a breath, seemingly steeling herself.

"...I was making some tea, would you like some?" she offered, sounding a bit tentative.

[wipeawaythedebt]

Booker's surprised to realize he's actually missed the dog. Missing Elizabeth... Anna... whatever he's supposed to call her now, that's a given. He's missed her since she stormed out of the partment, but the damn dog? That's a surprise. So kneels down in the hallway to offer a hand to the mutt as he thinks.

And he needs to, because he knows that what she's offering isn't exactly tea. And he can hear she's not sure the offer's a good one from the tone of her voice. Scratching Oliver behind the ears, he knows he doesn't really have much of a choice. In the end, it's really why he's here, isn't it?

[cagedlamb]

Oliver was quick to go over when Elizabeth let his leash go. The big dog was quick to head over, looking to greet what he surely saw was a long-lost friend. She watched them quietly for a moment, wishing things could be so easy between them.

When he didn't answer, she found herself getting more uncomfortable.

"You don't have to if you need - if you need to go somewhere," she finally added, watching them. Gave him an out. Maybe gave herself a way out, too, because if he didn't want to talk, she didn't think she could take the outright rejection of him leaving.

And she hated that it mattered, even before all this, when she agonized and ultimately gave up on trying to speak to him. Now she wanted to hate him so much, as much as she hated the man and woman who put her in that damn statue in the first place, but she - she didn't know.

She didn't really know much of anything any longer.

[wipeawaythedebt]

"No, I...." Finally standing, he puts an hand up to stop her from giving him another excuse to go. If she does, he just might take it, he's that unsettled. It's far from what he'd call charted territory and he's wary of blowing whatever this is apart.

'Course, it doesn't stop him from giving her an out. "Tea would be... good. If it's not a trouble. I don't want to take up time if you've got somewhere to be."

[cagedlamb]

Elizabeth had already asked. She knew he'd walk away if she said otherwise, but she knew they needed to have this conversation. Delsin had even gently tried to make her think about it, because if she didn't -

If she didn't, this would hang over her anyway. She didn't want that.

"No, I've some time. Come in, I'll put the tea on," she said, beckoning both he and her dog over. Oliver loped over, heading in before either of them. She lingered for a few more moments, the gift still held to her chest, before following him in, leaving the door open for Booker to follow.

[wipeawaythedebt]

He doesn't turn away so he supposes that's something. Instead he follows her and the dog inside, closing the door behind him. "Looks nice here."

Standing awkwardly in the entryway, he looks around, not really sure what to do with himself. Does he sit, offer to help? He feels like they're strangers all of a sudden, and they ought to be anything but. At least, they would have been if he hadn't been a damn fool.

[cagedlamb]

"Thanks," she replied, She'd decorated it for Christmas. Delsin had helped - a fact she didn't bring up, especially with how unsettled things were between them already - but yes, Elizabeth was proud of it. She was proud of how beautiful she could make her own place.

Noticing him lingering in the entryway, she paused before going into the kitchen area, offering, "You can sit where you like. I'll just be a moment."

[wipeawaythedebt]

Calling the dog over to him for some more attention, Booker finds a seat on the sofa and questioning what he's doing here. He's not expecting forgiveness, not from her, not from anyone. He'd just wanted to leave her a little something that her mother had liked and disappear again. Right?

Scratching behind Oliver's ears, he sees the scars on the back of his hand and winces at the memories. Drunken, depressing memories. She doesn't deserve to have any of that in her life. Not Elizabeth. Not his Anna.

"You, uh, still working? Taking those classes?"

[cagedlamb]

Elizabeth, admittedly, was glad for the few moments she had as she put together the drinks for them. It allowed her to collect herself, though she'd spent some time already trying to understand how she felt about it all.

"Oh, yes, of course," she replied. She certainly had to keep up both if she wanted to be self-sufficient. "I recently got a raise. Not by much, but ever bit helps."

With the tea kettle warming the water on her stove, she left the kitchen for the moment and sat down across from him and Oliver.

"How are you?" she asked, knowing it was a loaded question if he allowed it to be. Perhaps - perhaps she ought not to care. But she did, she had before this all happened and now - it was still there. The concern, the worry over the way he sometimes had come back to the apartment when they lived together.

[wipeawaythedebt]

Keeping things casual is almost impossible because, honestly? He can't say he's been all that great. Not easy realizing you sold your kid to pay off debts, even if you tell yourself it's to give her a better life. Even if you know that you tried to fix it, take it back, there's just no living with that kind of knowledge. But he tries to shrug it off all the same, "You don't need to worry about me, kiddo, I'm doing fine. Congrats on the job, though, bet you deserved it."

[cagedlamb]

Elizabeth knew he was probably lying. She'd gotten decent at reading him, but perhaps she was assuming on her part, too, knowing how she'd been feeling lately herself.

"Thank you," she replied, staring down at Oliver, who had come over to her now. She idly pet behind his ears, letting it steady her. "I - I'm glad you came around, you know. I - I think we probably should...talk."

[wipeawaythedebt]

He doesn't really like not having the dog to distract himself with, makes him feel even more exposed but there's nowhere for him to go. So he has to stay and face this, as much as he's been trying to avoid it. She's got a right to answers if she's got questions.

"What do you want to know?"

[cagedlamb]

Elizabeth nearly admitted she didn't know where to start. She had seen the events unfold in front of her. She had seen the decision he had made and the one he eventually came to make. She wanted to be angry at him, but his one awful decision hadn't forced the man she thought was her father to lock her away.

She was tired of living in the past. She was tired of being angry and upset.

"What now?" she settled on asking, looking at him. There was no malice in her voice, no anger in her expression. She just didn't want to even begin to contemplate any future between them until she knew what he wanted. She'd be hurt too much before, and it made her almost guarded. "I don't - I don't expect anything from you because of this, if you're worried I might be."

[wipeawaythedebt]

"Ain't worried about that." And he's not. Her expecting anything out of him is the last thing he's worried about. He blaming him for everything, that's what's been keeping him up because she's got every right to. But does he say that out loud or does he not put that kind of pressure on her?

He's quiet a lot longer than he probably should be, but wrestling with oneself isn't an easy task. But in the end, she's taken him to task for lying to her before, so she shouldn't start now. "I know I don't have a right, not after everything, but someday, if you could maybe, just someday... Anna- Elizabeth. Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. Failed you in just about every way a man can."

[cagedlamb]

The use of her - her real name - gave her an unexpected swell of emotion. Delsin had asked her, when she first found out, what she wanted to be called. She hadn't even considered using her birth name, that - that wasn't her, not really. Anna died the day she was given up, no matter how much she found herself wondering, lately, how her life would have been if it all hadn't happened.

But it hadn't, and she was still Elizabeth, as much as the name would always be attached to so much pain. She idly scratched behind Oliver's ears, the motion keeping her grounded as she tried to think of what she wanted to say. How she wanted to say it.

"What you did to me - I don't know how anyone could do that to their own daughter," she started, wanting to make it clear it didn't hurt her deeply. To know all her pain had started because her father abandoned her - it wasn't something she simply could forget overnight. After exhaling a slow breath, she continued, "But you came back for me. Even - even if you didn't know why. I don't - I don't know what's in the future for us, but -"

She looked away as she said the next part, unable to quite hold his gaze.

"I've lost so much. Too much. I don't - I don't know how to be your daughter, but I'd like to see you more than every few months," she explained. She didn't regret leaving, not one moment, but the fight had gone on long enough. "...If you really want things to change between us, I'm willing to try to start fresh."

[wipeawaythedebt]

He doesn't even know what to say to any of that. Doesn't know if he should be happy or terrified she's given him the opportunity to disappoint her again. He'll just have to keep his shit together this time. Remember what, who, is important to him and why. No more forgetting, no more pushing the memories down and thankfully without Columbia's tears and the Luteces' manipulations he should be able to keep everything where it is. As hard as it is to remember, it's probably better this way, for both of them.

As for the future, "I don't expect you to forget, Elizabeth, kinda surprised you even opened the door for me, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna have it slammed in my face again. Your Ma'd probably come back an haunt me if I did that." It's another thought that tears at him, that his precious Annabelle would never see the strong, stubborn girl she'd left behind.

Surprisingly, he finds himself wiping a tear from his eye at the thought. "She'd be so damn proud of you, Elizabeth and you're so much like her..." He can't quite finish the thought.